Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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