one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
