at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
