woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
