I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
