my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize