Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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