I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
