I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
