seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
