you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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