I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
