I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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