shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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