peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize