My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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