In the future we'll all be gay
i don't like sucking hair
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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