and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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