yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
