there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
