ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
