; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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