Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
