i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
