So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he fucked my hip out of place.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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