i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
