1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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