She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
