somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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