he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
