Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
