I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
All the doctor said was why
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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