My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
