never play flip cup with pint glasses
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
