apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
