I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
