It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
