Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
