So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
