I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
