Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
