i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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