don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
