help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
