Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
