no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
