The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
