i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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