I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
