and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
