What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
