??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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