just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
