you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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