Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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