Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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