need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yo dont text me then not text me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
