I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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