how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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