peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
