the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
