I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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