I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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