Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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