Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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