Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She's the barista slut.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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