Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
