So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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