I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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