i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
don't judge my taste in strippers
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
