awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
