Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
