She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
